Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
