so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
