Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
