I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
