I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
