party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
