so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.