Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
