it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.