Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.