just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle