I'm retarded. Again.
a bad idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.