My friends, they love my intelligence
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
whose parrot is this?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.