I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death