Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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