He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
