at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize