so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
