Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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