Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
