You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
