it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
