I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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