You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
