Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
