you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
