Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
