Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
