Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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