they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she told me i tasted like america
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
