stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
