I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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