So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
