Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
