Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The air taste purple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
