Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
