Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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