I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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