there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
