I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
