FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
