I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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