she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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