6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
