hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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