It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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