Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize