I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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