I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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