He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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