My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
