he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There are leaves in my underwear?
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