1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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