His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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