She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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