I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
