You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
