My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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