im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
