only if we run a train.
done.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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