Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
