What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
