the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Quick, to the slutcave!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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