Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
BRING THE BAGELS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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