Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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