So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
