She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
