I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
jump out the window naked night went bad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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