i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize