just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
