Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
