Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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