11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
