I must be too annoying 4 u.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
