and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
