Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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