4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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