the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
