I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
