dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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