Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
