i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
