i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
