Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
