Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
