Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
