So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
